Non-Sequitir #54: Hands All Over

Illustration by R. Crumb

WTF?

Ah! It’s 45 degrees outside! What happened to spring?!

WTF? Crosstown Traffic

This happened a couple of weeks ago, on the way home there was a train delay CUZ THERE WAS A FUGGIN’ CAR ON THE EL TRAIN TRACKS. This will be a little hard to explain, but where I live the train I take to work runs parallel to the express way. In most places there are fences and barriers and several yards between the El tracks and the cars. However, at this particular station there’s and chain link fence and some grass. Somehow, a driver lost control of his car, went through a section of the fence and ended up on the tracks. There was like an hour delay mostly due to bureaucracy. This particular stop is where city and suburban public transportation meet so there was a lot of back and forth over who had responsibilty/jurisidiction to remove the auto, send shuttle buses, etc. But, yeah…car on the El train tracks!

WTF? This Is Not In My Job Description

That same week I spent a considerable amount of time doing manual labor at my day job. Normally my work day is 80% sitting behind a desk, so it was a kinda a nice change of pace to install shelves, move refrigerators, and lift tables. I felt quite manly.

WTF? My Cassette Player Is Starting To Die and I Will Soon Be SOL Cuz Nobody Cares About Cassettes Anymore

I’ve been listening to old Soundgarden tapes…makes me feels like writing superhero comics. Maybe something with space giants…

WTF? Use Your Dellusion

So, like I guess Guns and Roses got inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame, but singer Alex Rose didn’t want to attend. Most of the other ex-members made it though and performed with a substitute singer. I guess Alex’s reasoning was that it would distract from his current version of the band which has no original members. Alex! No one cared about Chinese Democracy! Your friggin’ ego drove away all the talented guys in your group and you’ve descended in self parody. FRIGGIN’ GET OVER YOURSELF!

WTF? Saturday Nite’s Alright

Last Saturday…not this past Saturday, but the Saturday before then…a liquor store that I’ve been going to for at least four years asked me for ID. I was shocked. I am a middle aged man. My temples are starting to go gray. The fuggers behind the counter see me every other week, they friggin’ know me! On the other hand, the block where this particular store is, there’s sometimes some pretty sketchy people hanging around and I wonder if the authorities are watching the goings on of this place a little closer. If that’s the case, I’m not mad, but like I said, I was shocked at the time. And, yeah…I didn’t have my ID with me so I had to go all out my to another store. Dammit.

Slightly related, when I was coming out of the 2nd liquor store I saw a woman I know from my building. Normally when I see her she’s all serious and formal with me. This time though she was all smiles and laughter. I saw her get into a car with another young lady and thought… aww, a special saturday night can cure anyone’s disposition.

Avengers Assemble #2:  I still like Marc Bagley’s art, but Brian Michael Bendis writes a terrible Hulk.

Supergirl #8:  Guest art by George Perez, yes more please.

Defenders #5: I’m still pleasantly surprised by Matt Fractions story. The art here is by Mitch Breitheiser, I don’t think it’s bad, but I’m not sure it’s suited for this type of comic.

Ok, so the superhero comic will be about a team and it’ll have space giants, and old rusty alien tech and maybe the aliens talk in math equations and I was thinking there should be a religious cult in there somewhere and maybe the team could have a pet mascot like a big dog or a big ugly fish or something…what? C’mon! I’m still figuring it out!

 

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Non-Sequitur #53: Outside It’s Cold It’s Misty And It’s Raining

It got up to like 80 degrees this week, but today it's 20 degrees cooler and miserable out. Tha's ok, summer's coming soon.

Nothing, I just like saying “Golf-Shirty”

I didn’t work the other day, but I did go to my job to pick up my check. I wore a red pull over shirt with a collar and a navy blue horizontal stripe across the chest. The lady who’s kind of the receptionist there said that I looked  very “golf-shirty”. That’s going to be my new nick-mane…Golf Shirty Ed.

My job is keeping me healthy

Got more free food from work. This time it was two heads of lettuce and some celery. Wait, what?

Middle-Aged Man makes himself a meal

So, yeah…I made myself a big salad. It had lettuce, tomato, cheese, onion, cucumbers, hard boiled eggs and salad dressing (ok it was really mayo). It was delicious and I topped it off with a nice glass of beer ( ok it was really a 24 once can of malt liquor, shut up I’m eating healthy).http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVWRU3KqUfc

Jerk bought some comics

Secret Avengers # 23: Story by Rick Remender is pretty decent. I’m interested in the struggles of Antman here and what might happen in the hidden “robot” city. I wished I liked the art more. Gabriel Hardman is a decent penciler, but it might be a little too down to earth for this type of superhero comic. It’s just a wee too sketchy. I might like it more on a horror or crime comic.

Avengers #24:   I didn’t plan on buying this comic. I haven’t been reading it all. However, the comic I planned to get was sold out and the Daniel Acuna  art caught my eye. It’s actually not bad. Acuna’s art is very lovely. BUT the way the bad guy gets defeated here is exactly the same way the bad guy got defeated in New Avengers Annual #1. Both bad guys have exactly the same powers. Both comics were written Brian Michael Bendis.  I’m  just saying…

Children’s Crusade #9:    Very  very nice art, but a very anti-climatic story. It felt like, “Sorry we have to stop now, but there’s a big event coming that has all these same characters in it, so we’re going to stop here with no real resolution.”

Dammit! The weather lady just said it’s going to get cold again next week. Dern it!

Non-Sequitur #52: In Birmingham We love The Governor

Moebius AKA Jean Giruad 1938-2012

Item!

My supervisor’s daughter had a birthday a couple of weeks ago, so she made taco salad for us. Yum!

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So like 75-80% of my day job involves sitting in a cubicle and making phone calls. So occasionally when my boss asks me to help move something or whatever I jump at the chance. I don’t mind helping and it breaks the monotony on those slow days. This particular day she asked me to set up a room for a focus group meeting whenever I got the chance. Of course I told her I’d be happy to do it. Imagine my surprise when I started moving chairs around in Room 1 and saw in the middle of the room…DOG POO! The president of the company frequently brings his dog to work and this was one of those days. Normally the dog is well behaved, but this time she left a special treat for us. I told my boss and she got a plastic bag to pick up the poo with and then found a wet vac somewhere. While taking care of the situation, my boss said something like, “Geez, I don’t like cleaning up after my own dogs, that’s why I have a husband!” Kinda made me laugh. But yeah…I work a semi-grey collar job. I just don’t  normally expect to be dealing with DOG POO.

I work in an office! Where'd this dog poo come from?!

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Yeah, it got to like 60 degrees outside one day this week. On one hand I’m happy for the nice weather, but on the other hand this is not typical for this time of year in Chicago. We’ve had an usually mild winter this year. I foresee dread…

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I read in a local paper that they are planning a broadway musical based on the movie Animal House. Yes, the raunchy gross out humor movie is being made into a musical to debut on The White Way.  I didn’t realize it, but I guess I woke up in the Bizzaro Entertainment Universe, where everything is the opposite of what you’d expect it to be. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll check out that family sit-com based on The Sex Pistols   The Great Rock n Roll Swindle and after that I’ll tune into that children’s cartoon inspired by The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 

Item!

Ok, so I’m on the way home from running errands and I’m on the train. There’s a  dude talking to a woman and he’s talking loud enough that most of the car can hear him. Basically he’s going on and on about how he’s gay, but he’s tired of other gay people and wish he had more straight friends. The gay people he meets are just about sex and that’s all they talk about and it’s tiresome because there’s more to life than that. Ok, fine. Then he says he wishes there was someplace else to meet people besides the internet and bathhouses…BINGO! Dude, if the only place you try to meet people are bathhouses and the internet, of course a good deal of them are going to be either flakey or preoccupied with sex.  I’m not judging, I’m just saying…

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Mitt Romney likes cheesy grits! Yeah, I’ll just bet he does…

Non-Sequitur #51: Girl You Know it’s True

Catwoman by Darwyn Cooke

Ed is a cranky old man

I was at the corner store were I buy burritos and submarine sandwiches when a group of teen-aged girls came in. They were a little loud and just seemed to be kind of wandering around. I tried to ignore them, but I could still hear their voices even though they were at the other end of the store. Eventually, the security guard told them to leave the store. The girls were saying stuff like, “Why?!” “Who’s he talking to?!” The guard was just like, “Because you’re being disruptive.” One of the girls replied, “Your FACE is being disruptive!” Once upon a time I might have chuckled to myself over this scene, but now I have to admit I was a little glad that he threw the hoodlums out. Yes, I’ve gotten old and become that guy.

Ed goes “Uh…”

Out of the blue, my bank calls me the other day. The lady introduces herself as one of the agents that has helped me a few times in the past and asked me if everything was ok. I’m like, um…everything’s fine? She asked me if I got the checks that I ordered weeks back and asked if there was any other service they could provide. I then realized that she was following up on a business transaction. It was just weird because literally the first thing she said was, “Hello, Mr Jackson this is Blah-Blah from Such-and Such…are you ok?” Like the way a friend would if he were concerned about your well being. “Dude, are you ok? We haven’t seen around in awhile…you’re not sick are you? We were gettin’ worried!” So, yeah… everything’s peachy.

Ed dissects pop culture

So I was listening to the radio and they were talking about the opening of Carrie:The Musical. I guess it was on Broadway years ago, but wasn’t successful. Now they’ve re-tooled the show. One of the actresses was talking about doing the special effects in a way that didn’t make the show campy. I thought…but doesn’t the mere fact that you’re doing a stage musical based on a horror movie from the 70’s in and of itself make the show campy? I’m not hatin’, I’m just saying…

Ed walks down memory lane 

Rest In Peace Davy Jones. I don’t care how fake you think they were, they had some good pop songs.

Things that warm Ed’s cold dead heart

So I’m coming home from the comic book store and I see a mom walking into a restaurant with her two young daughters. The smaller one was bouncing around and waving at random people. She tried to wave to a another little girl who was inside of the restaurant sitting by the window. The second little girl didn’t wave but she did smile back. Little kids trying to make other little kids happy..ok, I’m corny but it made me happy. Shut up.

Neil Diamond wrote this song! Recognize!

 

Non-Sequitur # 50: What Was the Question

I went to work semi-ill one day last week, but I was still able to be productive. I was proud of myself  that day. I rule.

I arrived at work a little early another particular day, so that I could work on some stuff for the IMJ site http://inveteratemediajunkies.com/ without it interfering with my job. I accidently hit the wrong key and lost the draft I was trying to compose.  A half hour’s work down the drain. I suck.

They offered us an opportunity to work a shift this past Saturday. My hours have cut for long time now, so I jump at the chance.  The supervisor bought us pizza. It was orgasmic. Life is good.

I went to work yesterday not feeling my best. It took me a few hours to really get going. I’m back to sucking.

Aquaman #6:  Aquaman’s wife takes the starring role in this was a very Mera-centric issue. There are a few minor quibbles but I thought the comic was decent. The sexual harassment scene seemed a little forced and I wonder if writer Geoff Johns will follow up on the fact that Mera resisted arrest or will the matter just be dropped. I did enjoy the creative way that Mera dealt with a dangerous gunman.  All in all while not great, I thought this issue was ok.

Archie # 630:  This was the concluding chapter of the Archie meets Kiss storyline.While this was the most enjoyable issue, I was a bit disappointed with the overall arc. I just felt it was told kind of sloppily.Things just seem to happen at random with no build up or explanation of why or how certain events were taking place. I still was able to have a certain amount fun regardless, because..well…it’s Archie meets Kiss! It still had a kind of goofy charm to it.

Comics veteren John Severin passed away last week. Although he was revered for his work on war comics and westerns, I first noticed his work on Cracked Magazine  and reprints of the stuff he did for Marvel Comics.  He will be missed.

Non-Sequitur # 49: Anything Could Be Better Than Nothing

Although mostly known for his superhero and science fiction work, Jack Kirby along with his tend partner, Joe Simon, helped created the romance genre of comics

So, the corner store …right? They’ve always had a deli in the back. I think I got a submarine sandwich there once maybe a year ago. It was ok, but nothing to write home about. I kept thinking about trying it again for the longest time, but didn’t just cuz I’m lazy. Months ago the store expanded their square footage and increased the deli aspect. Now instead of just having you order from a hand written sign that was behind the area where you asked for seasoned chicken quarters, there’s a new  section with a video feed, fancy new menu, and seats! I put off trying the new deli because, like I said before, I’m lazy and easily distracted. I finally got to it recently and I fell in love with the area. Great burritos, great subs, great wraps, and they even have fresh soups! This week I probably didn’t  get as fat as previous weeks because it’s not a lot of processed junk. Even if I do gain weight from all the sub, etc. , I’ll be happy. Plus, I like the way one of the ladies there calls me “senor”.

I went to the liquor store last night and I overheard someone saying something about Whitney Houston passing away. At first, I thought it was probably just a rumor, but when I got home I found out it was true. As of yet, there’s no details. I wasn’t her biggest fan, but it’s kinda sad. This my favorite song for hers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jN-AGl7ntA

I was on the bus a few days ago. I noticed a woman with a tatoo on her right foot. It was a number, then star, then number, then star, then number, then star then number. I dunno…it was kinda cute and sexy.

Oh, kay…I’m trying to listen to music as I’m typing this and my cassette player is dying on me. It’s been operating rough for a long while now. I think I’m just going to have to get another one. It’s just weird though because, do people even still listen to cassettes? I’m afraid I’ll go into the electronics store and feel like a guy asking for out-moded technology that no one uses anymore. Like Great Grandpa asking for a crank to start up his  Model-T Ford or something.

I was in the discount grocery store yesterday. It was kinda amusing watching the security guard trying to chat up some young woman. He was in his late 40’s and she looked like she was maybe in her late 20’s. He wasn’t being rude or disrespectful or anything, and the girl was polite, it was just interesting because he was trying SO HARD to be witty and charming. And like I said, the young lady was polite to him but you could see this expression on her face like, “Uh, why is this old guy trying to talk to me?”

I got Aeon Flux the animated series in the mail. I’m going to enjoy watching it during the up coming week.

I still have comics I from last week that I haven’t read yet. I still have to get to Animal Man, Fatale, and Avengers 1959. I haven’t read them yet because…yes, you guessed it…I’m lazy and easily distracted.

Valentine’s Day or something is coming up. For the romantics out there I hope you have a great time. For the cynics, there’s this…